


Skinny Love

by TatsuKitty



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, Dubious Consent, Eating Disorders, Eventual Happy Ending, Harry is really fucking broken, Like. Wow broken, M/M, Mpreg, Suicidal Thoughts, be kind to yourself, happy ending though I promise!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:43:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2561777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TatsuKitty/pseuds/TatsuKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but this was what he deserved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skinny Love

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks once more to Shiny4love for being the best beta ever! She powered through even though she was sick and this is not her pairing! 
> 
> This is actually a re-vamp of a seriously old fic I wrote. It was originally called Pain (without love). The plot is basically the same but delved into more and written from a mid twenties, not a teen perspective haha! Hope you enjoy!

The air was sticky with sweat, hot and clinging. Harry groaned aloud at the sensations wracking his body. A hot mouth, almost burning, pressed sharp teeth to his ear, his throat, his chest. White blond hair fell over steely gray eyes.

  
Draco pushed into him hard with the bare minimum of preparation. Harry grit his teeth and swallowed the cry. He needed., He could feel Draco all the way inside him. The pain stung and ached. Draco’s arms so tight around his waist that he couldn’t breathe as Harry burned in a different kind of fire.

  
He hadn’t thought it would hurt this badly. His imagination had Draco being soft, attentive, as he pressed them together. He’d kiss that pink mouth and taste the way all those hateful words had lingered on Draco’s tongue. Instead, he blinked back tears as he clung to Draco’s graceful neck, buried his face in soft hair. He deserved this. He knew that.  
The pain was actually preferable to the gaping empty feeling he’d been battling these past months. He felt perpetually cold, misplaced, and alone. He wrapped his legs around Draco’s hips and pulled him in harder. Draco fucked into him with hard thrusts. He shook with the effort, as if he were doing his damnedest to make Harry regret even looking in his direction.

  
Draco finally came inside him with the same angry ferocity that he did everything. He pulled almost completely out before he slammed his cock back in. His hand fisted in Harry’s hair to pull his head back as he buried his teeth in the tender flesh just above his collar bone. Tears trickled from Harry’s wide eyes into his hair as he gasped a stuttered breath. It was already over?

  
Draco pulled out and into view of Harry’s gaze. He had a bit of blood against his lips and a smear of it around his groin. He almost thought there should be more. He felt torn in half and broken. He lay there, flaccid and splay legged, and watched as Draco cast a Scourgify over himself and removed all evidence of what had just happened. He reached a shaking hand up; wanting to touch Draco’s shining hair. Draco slapped his hand away before twisting his wrist back.

  
“You will NEVER touch me again, Potter.” Draco spat at him, literally as well as figuratively, before he tugged his clothing on and disappeared with the sharp crack of apparition. He’d dismissed Harry just as easily as he’d cast away the evidence of what they’d done.

  
Shame, hot and sick, swooped through his stomach and up through his chest, leaving nothing in its wake. The realization of what he’d just done, what he’d forced Draco to do to him, what he’d given up for a fleeting moment, sank down on him. It crushed him with the force of its weight and smothered him almost tenderly. He’d earned this.

  
“What have I done?” He asked himself. He stared around the room woodenly. He wiped at the mess between his thighs, smearing drying come and blood down them in an effort to clean up. He didn’t trust himself to use his wand yet. Harry stood on legs shaking like a colt. He felt a tickle on his chest and swiped through the slow leaking trail of blood from his cut. He gathered his clothing and then sat back on the bed, clutching his aching lower stomach.

  
He felt shattered and twisted. These months past the war had left him reeling. He’d been offered his dream job as an Auror, which put him immediately into training. He and Ginny had been together for it, whirling in a tempest of love and dreams come true. She’d proposed the day they reopened Hogwarts and he had laughed as he said yes.  
It was his fault that she’d died.

  
He knew he was a high profile target. The Death Eaters were still livid with him, blaming him as the sole reason they hadn’t won the war. They’d been on a case when they grabbed her. He immediately froze, pleading, begging for her, and they’d laughed as they cast the cutting curse on her throat. He gasps as the bite mark reminds him of the splash of her blood against him before he had lost it. He blacked out. When he came to, Ron was a pale mess. He’d killed them, but it wasn’t ever going to be enough to save Ginny. She was gone.

  
Once again, being connected to Harry Potter had ended a life.

  
He’d never even touched her the way he had just done with Draco. She had wanted to wait for marriage. They’d kissed and touched, but never given each other over fully. It seemed almost poetic that he only gave himself to Draco.

  
Cold fear churned in his gut again. He wiped at his throat, at the tears spilling down his cheeks still, and groped for his glasses.

  
' He’d sold himself. He’d bought this as easily as if he’d had enough money to buy Draco outright. As if Draco were a prize to be won, a gleaming statue to be purchased and displayed in his heart. Narcissa and Lucius had been Kissed. Harry had argued for Narcissa’s freedom. She’d helped him, after all. In the end, it hadn’t been enough to spare her. Draco, however…He told him he’d only barter for his freedom if he’d fuck him. He’d sweetened the deal with the added bonus of having his parents bodies returned to him.  
He’d forced Draco in an effort to end this aching pain and numbness. Instead, he’d made it so much worse. He felt sickened by himself, sickened at himself. He was a monster, clearly. He didn’t deserve anything he’d been given, let alone the things he’d decided to just take. The tremble in Draco’s voice as he agreed still echoed through Harry’s head.  
Draco had looked the way Harry had felt. He was spindly, too skinny, too pale, eyes wide and vigilant. He felt hunted. Harry did too, felt raw and exposed and weak, so weak, but he was a pro at hiding it by now. He slapped a mask on and no one looked too closely anymore, not even Ron and Hermione.

  
He was a weapon, he realized. He was too dangerous to leave unchecked. He grabbed his wand and Disapparated without dressing. His hands shook a bit as he slowly sealed his house up. He thought hard and cast wordlessly, letting his intent seal it for him. He didn’t know how to make his home Unplottable but he did his best. His windows shrunk into the walls, leaving nothing but useless curtains hanging where they used to be. He closed the Floo and sealed his chimney.

  
He crawled slowly into his bed and curled on his side. His stomach ached, his ass was a throbbing mess, and his heart felt like it was going to scald it’s way out of his chest.  
It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but this was what he deserved. It was better this way. Everyone would be safe from him. Maybe, in time, even he would be safe from himself.

  
* * * *

  
Draco had done his best to forget his little deal with Potter. He felt cheap, sick and raw. If only everyone knew that, their Golden Boy, Saint Potter, would bribe with something as precious as his freedom for sex. He’d used Draco’s own parents against him, for Merlin’s sake!

  
He was grateful for the community service. He was less thankful to be used like a cheap whore. He could still feel Potter’s fingers grasping at him, too hard, everywhere they could reach and greedy. He shuddered hard and scrubbed fiercely. He almost wished he’d turned Potter down and taken Azkaban instead. At least there, he wouldn’t feel so disgusted with himself for anything new.

  
He’d sold himself to Voldemort to save his parents. How ironic that he’d done the same for the man who’d saved him from them. The only difference had been the asking price. Voldemort had wanted his first kill where Potter wanted to be his first gay fuck.

  
He was doing work for a shelter now. Hagrid had set up several Magical Menageries in Dumbledore’s dubious honor. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, to be fair. He spent his day taking care of animals. He had been a bit dismayed when he first realized he could see the Thestrals, but all in all, it was to be expected when one participated in a war. He might not have killed Dumbledore, but he had seen him die.

  
He was sitting with a Kneazle in his lap as he groomed her when the Aurors arrived. The Kneazle startled and sunk claws into his legs with a hiss. He sucked a sharp breath into his teeth.

  
“No Apparating inside the premises. We have signs.”

  
“Our apologies. It’s a bit of a dire situation. Do you know where Draco Malfoy is?” She was a tall, lanky black woman with her hair in a tidy braid over her uniform robes.

  
“Right here.” He gave a flourish with one hand towards his own face, keeping hold of the Kneazle with the other. “What can I help you with?”

  
“Oh… I’m Auror Porter. This is Auror Marshall.” She gestured to the man beside her. He was average: average height, average weight, plain mousy brown hair and hazel eyes.  
“We were wondering if you knew the whereabouts of Harry Potter.” Marshall asked in a startlingly deep voice.

  
“I would assume at his home? You realize that he and I are not close?” He arched an incredulous eyebrow at them and maneuvered the Kneazle back into her cage. He walked to the nearby sink to wash his hands.

  
“You two were seen going into a room at the Leaky Cauldron together at around 9:30 pm on August the 20th.” Porter stated. Draco went still, a cold finger trailing down his spine.

  
“Yes, that’s correct.” He murmured as he dried his hands. “We had… an arrangement. That’s been completed, I’ve not seen him since.”

  
“That was the last evening that anyone saw Mr. Potter.” She informed him. He frowned.

  
“That was nearly a month ago. No one’s noticed before now?” He scoffed.

  
“Mr. Potter was supposed to be on mourning leave until the 3rd. It took us quite a while to track down his last appearance.”

  
“Mourning leave? He’s got no family.”

  
“His fiancé Ginny Weasely was killed in the line of duty.” Marshall informs. Draco stills a bit.

  
“When?” he asks, and his voice sounds like a foreign croak to his ears.

  
“It was…July, I believe. Just before the trials began.” Porter shared a confused look with Marshall. Draco felt his hands clench into fists. Of course. The logical action when your fiancé dies is to force an enemy to have sex with you. Potter was more callous than Draco had ever thought possible.

  
“Well. I saw him at the Leaky and then went home directly after.”

 

“What did you do with him at the Leaky?”

“Why?” he was immediately suspicious, narrowing his eyes. “Do you need to ask the private lives of everyone you question?”

“The whereabouts of suspects? Yes.” Porter’s expression hardened.

“Suspect? He’s missing!” Draco widened his eyes at them. “You think I’ve got Potter hidden in my attic? Or stuffed in a closet in here? My home is monitored, my work is monitored!”

“There was a significant amount of his blood found at the scene. Mixed with semen.” Porter replies flatly. Draco feels dizzy and grips the sink as his heart pounds rapidly.

“Oh Merlin, you think I killed him. He’s dead? How is he dead? He was alive.” He gulps for air, swaying on his feet.

“We’re not sure at this point. His house has gone Unplottable. We can’t send owls to him. His Floo is closed and his magical signature is untraceable.”

“But there isn’t a body? Was there spellwork?”

“We can’t share any leads into the case.” Marshall shakes his head. “So, again. What did you do with Mr. Potter when you saw each other at the Leaky?”

“I…We…” the words stuck in his throat. He felt hot shame course up his face and blinked rapidly to clear his vision as it watered. He cleared his throat and took a bracing breath.

“He… he coerced me into having sex.” He admitted quietly. He was met by blank stares of disbelief.

“Would you be willing to swear it under Veritaserum?” Porter asked voice irritated and smug, as if she thought she’d caught him.

“Yes.” He croaked out. “He agreed to testify on my behalf if I had sex with him. He also agreed to have my parent’s bodies returned to me after they were Kissed. I would swear it under Veritaserum.” Their eyes widened and Porter paled significantly.

“We… we will need a DNA sample for the…seminal fluid.” She sounded regretful asking this time, at least. Draco felt a hard knot in his stomach release when she sounded like she believed him. She conjured a swab that she rubbed to the inside of his cheek and put into a small glass vial.

“Will that be all? I have to feed the Krups and the Thestrals.” He gestured vaguely behind him to the animal pens. His fingers shook and he hated himself for it. They left through the main lobby without Disapparating this time. His supervisor poked her head in.

“Draco? Were those Aurors?” Luna asked, blinking slowly over her protuberant eyes.

“Yes.” He kept his voice curt as he gloved up to carve the meat for the Thestrals.

“What did they want? Is everything alright with your probation?” She actually sounded concerned. Draco gave her a nonplussed expression. “The Thestrals love you. They would be very sad to see you go.”

“How comforting. Well, the Thestrals will be fine, because they were asking after Potter. No, I don’t want to talk about it” He added and held up a quelling hand. “I want to feed the Thestrals. Alone.”

“Alright, Draco. I’ll be up front with the Floo if you need me.” She gave him a dreamy smile and ducked back through the door.  
He’d rather cut off his left testicle than talk to her about Potter.

  
** * *  
Harry didn’t know how long it had been. He didn’t even know if the sun was shining outside anymore. Kreacher had come and gone a few times, trying to ply him with food and drink. He nibbled halfheartedly and barely drank from the cups of pumpkin juice and water. He left them stagnant until Kreacher came and whisked them away with wrings of his worried hands.

He couldn’t bring himself to leave his bed. It felt insurmountable. The idea of crawling out made him feel like he was being asked to climb a mountain with Hagrid sitting on his shoulders. He felt crushed by the weight of his soul. He managed brief trips to the restroom. Kreacher washed his hair for him as he crouched over the side of the tub on spindly, quivering legs. He relieved himself and returned to bed. It was usually only when his hair felt so bad that his scalp ached enough to distract him from the pain in his torso.

His stomach roiled and turned daily. He replayed his crimes, innumerable in his mind, on repeat. It was a spiral dragging him slowly away. He wished he’d just die. He couldn’t motivate himself enough to do it himself and despite his crying and pleading, Kreacher wouldn’t do it for him. He couldn’t kill his master. Harry had resorted to threatening him with clothing but even that hadn’t spurned Kreacher into action on his behalf.

Kreacher didn’t understand. They’d be safer without him. If he just died, he couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.  
He thought about Draco, too. His fine, pale hair, the jut of his chin, his straight nose, his soft, pink mouth. He felt a swirl in his lower stomach that was a sickening want. He wanted him so badly. He’d had him, but he was greedy. He wanted more. He wanted Draco to love him. He wanted to feel loved so badly. He missed Ginny’s no nonsense strength and the warmth of Mrs. Weasley. He knew he wasn’t good enough for them but he wanted to be so very badly.

His mind chased itself like a dog after its own tail. Slowly, the guilt spiraled into fantasies. Outlandish ones with Ginny back from the dead where they were married. They morphed into simple more mundane moments of their life together. He wasn’t ever getting Ginny back. It was hard to dream about the impossible.  
He still dreamt. He thought about Draco. What if he noticed Harry was missing? What if he came and rescued him? What if he kissed him gently and forgave all his crimes and sins? He cried softly after he woke from those. His mind tricked him and made him believe they were real. He knew when he was dreaming with Ginny. After all she was gone from him forever.

He never knew if he was dreaming when it was about Draco until he awoke to his frail body in his stuffy room.

He turned and closed his eyes again, dreaming of a life with Draco. A life where he was held and cherished close, the ache in his chest eased.

**** **** ***

The Aurors came back and hauled Draco into questioning after the tests had been run. It had taken about another three weeks. He’d almost managed to completely put Potter out of his mind by then and was irritated that they brought it all back up to the forefront again.  
He was prompted and relived every detail of his encounter with Potter, even things he’d tried hard to block out from his mind. He remembered that Potter smelled of green apples and that Draco’d bitten him on the shoulder as he’d come. Potter hadn’t finished at all. He remembered twisting his arm after Potter had tried to pet his hair, of all things, and telling him never to touch him again.

“Did you want Mr. Potter dead?” Marshall asked.

“I just wanted to get away from him. I don’t want to see him again.” He shook his head.

“Enough to kill him?”

“I never killed anyone. I couldn’t even kill Dumbledore when the Dark Lord told me to. He was going to kill my parents.” He rambled, a sick feeling making it through the fog. “I think I may puke.” He said serenely before he spilled his guts into a nearby trashcan.

“Can I please go now? This has been mortifying enough.” He sighed and pulled out some tooth flossing string mints to clean his mouth. They escorted him out and he immediately went home.

It was odd that even after school, after a war, everything they had been through; Potter was still a constant in his life. Constant pain in the ass, but always there. He wasn’t sure how to feel about him being gone. He waited for him to be declared dead and continued with his work.

They had several Thestrals breeding this time of year and Draco had the dubious pleasure of helping with the birthing process. He’d never been particularly interested in babies, animal or otherwise, but the birthing process was something he’d have been glad to spend his entire life without seeing. Luna had no qualms about reaching into an animal to turn and pull out a Thestral calf. He didn’t enjoy scrubbing placenta from under his fingernails at the end of the day.

The months flew by in a haze of small animals and the Wizarding world losing its shit over the loss of their savior. The Quibbler theorized that he was hunting Crumplehorned Snorkacks, whatever the bloody hell those where. Witch Weekly had put out rewards. As always, The Daily Prophet was casting aspersions and throwing blame around. Unfortunately, for him, his little rendezvous became public knowledge about six months after the fact.

“Draco?” Luna called. He was busily washing the new Thestral foals before the weather got too cold and putting them in sweaters and blankets that Luna insisted they needed for warmth. He looked up and she was busily wringing her hands and looking distraught.

“Yes?” He frowned at her. Her eyes had bags under them and her hair was more of a mess than it usually was.

“You and Harry…” She started.

“No. We are not discussing this.” He shook his head violently and stuffed a wriggling wing through a sweater.  
“Please. Draco, I’m so worried… I just… need to know. I miss him so… He was a very dear friend…”

“I didn’t kill him!” He throws the sponge into the water bucket with a large spray.

“No! Draco, I know you wouldn’t! You take such good care of the animals even though you were made to be here. You’re a nurturer, not a murderer!”

“Then what! What do you want to know? How he made me fuck him for my freedom, such as it is?”

“I just… wanted you to owl him. Maybe he’d answer you.” She’d paled when he snapped and put a small hand on his shoulder. “I… I don’t know why he did that to you. But I’m very sorry.” She offered. He immediately felt awful and slumped under her touch.

“Sorry, Luna. I just… I wanted to forget about it. I didn’t want to deal with Aurors ever again.” He ran an agitated hand through his hair.

“If we find him, then everyone would leave you alone. You’re just the last person who saw him.”

“Not promising anything.” He hedged. “But… fine. I’ll owl Potter, for all the good it won’t do.”

“Thank you!’ She gasped and hugged him. He tried very hard not to return it, but he relented after a solid minute and patted her back. She kissed him on the cheek before kissing the baby Thestral.

When Draco got home, he sat and stared at his parchment, quill in hand and poised to write without a damn thought in his head. He sighed heavily. He thought he’d never have to talk to Potter again. What could he possibly write to him now?

Potter,

If you’re alive, respond to this owl. Otherwise, I’m having you declared dead.

\--D. M.

He rolled the missive up and tied it to the leg of his eagle owl. He gave Hermes a treat before he flew out the window.

* * * *

Something was wrong with him. Harry pressed hands to the hard mass of his stomach. It was swollen and large. His hands looked too long and spidery against it. He was darkly hoping it would kill him. Maybe it was a tumor. He didn’t know how he was still alive. He had suspicions that Kreacher had been feeding him while he slept.  
He was weak, exhausted even though he barely moved. He just wanted it all to end. Was that so much to ask?

He startled when an owl appeared on his bedside table. The owl itself looked a bit surprised at its surroundings and gave a hoot. He reached with trembling fingers to take the missive. He tried to quell the hope rising like a small bird in his chest when he saw the Malfoy crest. Was he worried?

He hastily opened the letter and felt his heart flop like a dying thing in his chest. He groped in the drawer and pulled out a pencil.

I am alive.  
-Harry

His head spun from being upright for so long. He sat up, leaning back against the headboard. Tears dripped slowly as his heart cracked. He just wanted Harry to be gone. Of course he did. This was real life. Harry was a monster.

* * * *

Luna and Draco were both keeping an eye on a pregnant Kneazle about to give birth when Hermes arrived back. Draco took the letter and shook his head when he saw his seal.

“Looks like a no go then.” He remarked as he took the letter off his owl. He paused and unfurled it. In messy handwriting in some weird, pale gray, was Harry’s reply. “Merlin’s beard. Luna. Look.” He held it out to her.

“Oh! He’s alive! HE’S ALIVE!” She squealed and then tackled Draco in a hug. “Thank you so much! Oh, Merlin, he’s alive!” She kissed his cheek again, which left him wrinkling his nose, before she ran to the Floo. Granger’s face showed up with an ink stain on one cheek.

“Luna! Has the Kneazle had kittens?”

“Harry’s alive! Draco Owled him and he responded, he’s alive!” She gasped. Hermione rolled through the Floo a second later.

“Where’s the letter? What did he say?” She gasped. Her hair was a wreck. “I’ve been researching for months!” She reached out with grabby, feverish hands as Luna handed it over. He watched her face fall as she read it. “That’s it? He didn’t… he didn’t ask after us?”

“If I may…” Draco cut in. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to be found if he hasn’t been found and he’s alive.” He shrugged.

“Don’t be hateful, Malfoy. We’re his family. Why would he want to leave us?” She scoffed at him.

“You’d have to ask him.” He shrugged and stroked down the Kneazle’s side. She was a pitch black with bright yellow eyes and white paws. He was a bit partial to her, if he were being honest with himself.

“Maybe… maybe he only wants to talk to Malfoy? He could have a bad case of Wrackspurts again.”

“Oh no. No. Absolutely not.” He shook his head. “I’m not doing it. Don’t make that face at me.” He pointed a finger at Luna. “Not for all the gold in Gringotts!”

“But Draco…”

“Did you forget the part where he used my parents against me? Because I didn’t.” He snarled at her. She recoiled and looked shamed. “I swear to Merlin if you say that he had a reason for it…”

“No… No there isn’t a reason. But he can’t be punished for it if he’s off hiding.” Hermione countered pragmatically. Draco went still, calculating. He knew he was being manipulated. It was a clear ploy. However, it was also logically sound.

“Sodding hell. FINE. I’ll… try to Apparate to him.” He snapped, heaving a heavy sigh. Truth be told, the mystery of Potter’s disappearance was grating to him as well. He had his own questions for the wizard if he ever got a hold of him. “If I splinch myself I’ll make you have a matching scar.” He threatened before he Disapparates.

He arrives in a dim room. He’s facing what looks like curtains hanging over bare plaster. The sound was muffled, not the sharp crack he was used to, and the magic in the air prickled against his skin. The air was stuffy. A house elf gasped as it saw him.

“Kreacher is taking you to Mr. Potter. You must be helping him.” He croaked and rushed up some stairs. Draco arched a sardonic brow at the elf’s back but followed. The house was clean but there were no windows, the fireplace was bricked. The portraits whispered to each other quietly as he passed. He was led into a bedroom.

“No, Kreacher. No.” Potter protested. Draco blinked in the dim light, trying to make sense of what he saw. He thought it was arms but...no. They were legs. His stomach roiled. Potter was on his side, curled around... Something?

“Potter?” he asked, almost afraid of what would happen.

“Draco?” he asked faintly. “No. Not Draco. You’re a fake. Fake again. Draco hates me. He won’t come. He’s never here when I wake up.”

“Potter. What are you talking about?” He moved hesitantly.

“I tried. I tried to die. That’s what needs to happen.” Potter mutters. “Monster. I’m a monster. I did this.” He sat up slowly, moving to lean on the headboard. Draco’s throat nearly closed when he saw the bulge of his stomach.

“Bloody hell, Potter.” He murmured. Wide green eyes snapped to him, leaking tears without even blinking.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.” He chanted. “I tried to…”

“Potter. We need to get you to a doctor…” he felt sickened. Potter was skin and bones, sunken eyes and a mop of dark hair. “I’ll… I’ll go get them and bring them—” He was cut off when Potter became hysterical, sobbing and clutching at him.

“Don’t leave. Don’t leave me alone. Please. I’m so sorry. I won’t do it again. I won’t. Just don’t leave me.” He begged, pressing sharp angles into Draco’s chest. He tried not to recoil and just stayed very still.

“House elf?” He called.

“Yes, sirs?”

“Open the floo and call St. Mungo’s.” He ordered and pat awkwardly at Potter’s back. He clutched tighter at Draco and shuddered against him. His fingers felt like needles, the points too sharp against his skin. It was like a waking nightmare.

 

** * **

Harry didn’t want this dream to end. It felt so real. He thought he could even smell Draco and feel the heat of his chest. A hand rested in his hair. He pulled back and pressed his fingers to Draco’s cheek.

“I wish you were really here.” He murmured and stroked down the angular corner of his jaw.

“I am here, Potter. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you hurt?”

“No… Not anymore. I got better.” He stared in wonder at Draco’s face. Was he concerned?

“How were you hurt?” Draco asked. Harry tilted his head in confusion, stroking another light touch down Draco’s face.

“You don’t remember?”

“Remember what?” Draco shook his head, looking confounded.

“We… We slept together.” He whispered. “You slept with me.”

“I… I remember that. What does that have to do with anything?” Draco stiffened, holding himself away from Harry just as he went to touch his hair. He recoiled again, remembering the twist to his wrist and the slap.

“You… asked if I had been hurt.” He touched the small scar on his collarbone where Draco had bitten him. “It… we… I had never… I didn’t know it hurt like that. It’s ok though I deserve pain.” He reassured Draco. Draco’s eyes widened a bit and he recoiled in disgust, looking sick. Harry pulled back and gasped for air. “You… you said not to touch you. I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me. Please.”

“Potter… Harry. Breathe. Calm down.” Draco murmured and put a hand against the stretched skin of Harry’s belly. He tried to shudder back from the touch but his back was as far as it could go.

“I… I wanted to die. I tried. Why can’t I die? I don’t want to hurt anymore.” He begged Draco. He paled and shook his head at Harry.

“You don’t want to die. Don’t do that.”

“I do. I do want to.” He nodded earnestly at him.

“What about Ron and Hermione? Luna? They were worried about you.”

“It’s safer for them. Everyone I love dies. Or… or they hate me. So… so, it’s better if I die. I’ll keep them all safe.” Draco opens his mouth but the doctors from St. Mungo’s come flooding in, cutting him off. Harry panics when he sees them and starts screaming, clawing and trying to get away. They sedate him and the last thing he sees is Draco dragging a trembling hand through his hair and looking disturbed.

** * **

Draco sat in the waiting area of St. Mungo’s feeling as if someone had just hit him in the chest. Potter was in a room, being looked over. He still didn’t know why his stomach was swollen the way it was, or how he was still even alive.

“He’s here?” Luna gasped as she rolled through the Floo.

“Yes. Luna. Wait.” He tugged her arm. She blinked at him, surprised by the contact.

“He’s… it’s bad. It’s really bad.” He tried to explain and couldn’t find the words.

“What do you mean? Is it Nargles?”

“I don’t think so. He’s… his stomach is swollen and everything else is skin and bones.” He feels sick roil in his guts as he thinks about it again.

“Oh… oh my.” Luna sinks into the chair next to him. “Ron and Hermione are coming. They’ll know what to do.” She grabbed Draco’s hand and held it too tight. He let her have it. He needed the comfort himself. His mind kept replaying Potter’s earnest face informing him that the blood had been from him. How he’d never been with anyone and Draco had hurt him. He felt a bit sickened by himself. He’d agreed to it. Potter hadn’t held him down, hadn’t forced him.

He had given him some seriously poor choices but… if Draco were honest with himself, Potter probably would have testified for him anyway. It didn’t absolve Potter at all. Draco was still justified in his anger. He’d never been a person who reveled in sexual cruelty. Hexes? Of course. Pranks were common. He was a bit verbally abusive. Well. Very much so.

He’d never been a sadist though. It was an uncomfortable thought. He definitely wasn’t enjoying Potter’s mental breakdown.  
Ron and Hermione flooded in with their entire family. There was a surfeit of redheaded witches and wizards taking up the waiting room with him. Neville Longbottom came through a moment later and scooped Luna into a hug and a kiss, soothing her when she started to cry.  
Draco felt very out of place. He was separate from their grief. He was disturbed but he certainly didn’t mourn Potter. He hesitated when Mrs. Weasley came up. She took both his hands in hers.

“Thank you for finding Harry. Thank you.” She patted his hands and sniffled before dabbing at the tears on her face with a large handkerchief.

“Ah… you’re welcome.” He blinked at her and felt his eyebrows pinch in the center.

“For Mr. Potter?” The doctor asked. They all stood facing him at attention. “We’ve got him sedated. He’s had a pretty severe mental break.”

“Will he be ok?” Hermione asked, clutching Ron’s arm so tightly that Draco’s fingers throbbed in sympathy.

“We’re hopeful. He’s severely dehydrated and malnourished. The fetus was using his magic to keep them both alive.”

“…the… the what?” Draco asked, feeling numbness creep up his limbs.

“Mr. Potter is pregnant. About six months along. The stomach…” The Doctor hesitated. Draco had a brief moment of panic before he slipped into darkness.

** * **

 

Harry spent the first week he was in hospital trying to escape. Everyone treated him as if he was fragile. They had no idea how dangerous he was. They learned quickly though, when he shook the ward with his magic, wand lying useless on the table.

“LET ME GO!” he screamed, throat raw. Ron and Hermione hovered nearby, looking horrified. “It’s to keep you safe! You have to be safe! I have to SAVE EVERYONE” he howled and thrashed. Something inside him twisted.

“Harry. Harry stop!” Luna’s dreamy voice shook as she called over Ron’s shoulder. “It’s the Nargles.” She said. He paused, staring at her and panting for air.

“Wh-what?” He tried to make his brain work. He was so tired, his brain fogged and slow.

“You didn’t hurt anyone, Harry. Remember, your head was full of Wrackspurts.” She nodded, stepping in closer. He fought the instinctive urge to recoil.

“No… No, I did. I did things. It was my fault.” He opens his eyes wide, trying to make her see. Why didn’t anyone understand?

“No, Harry. The Nargles and the Wrackspurts. They did it. That’s why you’re here. You’ve got a very bad infestation. We’ll get rid of them and it’ll be perfectly safe.”

“R-really?” He felt something flutter in his chest that was scarily like relief. “It… It wasn’t me?”

“Not you, Harry.” She was right by the bed and smoothed his hair back from his forehead. “You’re so good, Harry. Why would you ever want to hurt anyone? You said yourself that you just want to keep us all safe.” Luna gave him a soft smile and pet down his cheek. It sounded too good to be true and he felt his eyes well up with tears.

“It wasn’t my fault? I… I didn’t kill her?”

“Harry, you didn’t kill her. You loved her.” Luna sounds choked up. “We’ll get you all free of Wrackspurts and Nargles. You’ll be just fine.” She held his hand.

“Are… are they in my belly?” he stares in horror at the swell of him against his thin ribs and hips.

“That’s something else.” She shakes her head and looks to the Doctor.

“What is it? Is it bad?” He grips her arms tight. His skin looks as pale and ashy white as a mushroom against hers. She hesitates and he feels panic well sharp and full in his throat.

“It’s not bad. It might be a surprise.” She offers and then rests her palm against his belly. “You’re going to have a baby, Harry.” He looks down at himself, the stretch of his shirt over everything and feels disgust and horror sink into him. He’d forced Draco. He’d made him and now he was pregnant? Was that possible?

“Get it out.” He felt his voice seep out of him, dead and flat. “Get it out now.”

“It’s not ready yet, Harry…” Luna protested.

“GET IT OUT OF ME! NO!” He pushed at the bulge of it and screamed. He clawed at himself. It was a nightmare again. He stole a precious life from Draco and if it was inside him… it was too close, so close. Why would anything grow there? He was a monster. He was a literal one, making impossible, unnatural things happen. Luna panicked and grabbed his hands. He felt his breath come in rapid gasps and shook.

“Knock it off, Potter.” Draco’s voice cuts through his brain. He jerks and looks to him, feeling akin to a deer in the headlights of a truck. Guilt and shame crushed him back into the mattress. “You’re so fucking self-involved. Were you aware?” His voice is cold and cutting.

“Wh-“

“No. You don’t get to talk right now. Look at the mess you’ve made.” He gestures to Luna’s tear streaked face, to the wane and pinched faces of Ron and Hermione. “The whole waiting room filled with Weasleys. Doctors wasting their precious time on you having what amounts to a giant sodding hissy fit. Then there’s me. You bartered for me like a whore and now you’re trying to kill my child.” His eyes narrow, cold and hard as granite. He steps closer to the bed.

“I didn’t want to—“

“Shut. Up. Potter.” He leaned in. “You will shut up. You will eat when you are brought food. You will drink eight glasses of water a day. You will do as you’re told. When the baby comes, it’s mine. I will come and take it from you. Until that day, you will do nothing pertaining to my child without my explicit consent. Do I make myself absolutely clear?”

Harry nodded dumbly. Draco handed him a glass of water and he drank it automatically.

“Now, that’s how you get things done.” Draco announced to the room at large before sauntering out, hands in the pockets of his trousers. Harry finished the glass and set it down. He rested his hands carefully on his stomach and refused to speak or look at anyone until they all left.

 

** * **

Draco sat at the table in his kitchen and took several deep breaths before attempting a slow sip from his tea. His cup shook and the porcelain tinked as it clicked against the saucer it was on. His home was repaired but huge and empty. His parents were under the care of his remaining house elves. He came in and talked to them every day while they stared sightlessly.

He was avoiding them today. He didn’t know how they would have once reacted to the news of him and Potter. He imagined his father would be apoplectic at how far he’d fallen.

The line of pureblood Malfoys ended with Draco. A thousand years of Wizarding history ended with a giant cock up of a mistake.

He was fed up with Potter. His whole life revolved around him. All his childhood he’d heard him revered. Potter grew up spoiled and coddled while Draco fought tooth and nail for his parent’s approval. His mother doted on him, but his father always pushed him to be better. He’d never wanted for anything more than his dad to say that he was proud of Draco. It wouldn’t ever happen now.

He took a steadying gulp of air. “Tiggy.” He called. The house elf popped beside him.

“Yes, Mister Draco?”

“Please begin preparing the suite next to mine as a nursery. It will need to be sanitized and cleaned.”

“A nursery, Mister Draco?” She asked, clasping her hands together.

“Yes. The baby is due in three more months.” He nodded and startled when she burst into a sudden shower of tears. “What the…?”

“Sorry, Master, Tiggy is just so happy! We is having a baby!” She wipes her eyes with her tea towel. “Can Tiggy be telling the other elves?”

“Er. Yes. You may.” She popped off with a crack and a delighted smile. Draco sat and contemplated all his life choices that led to this particular moment.

** * **

A month had gone past since Harry had last seen Draco. He stayed quiet, ate when he was given food. He drank as much water as he could. His face and fingers slowly filled back out. The doctors had him doing physical therapy, mental therapy, and spell therapy. He could walk in the garden on the roof of the hospital now. He felt awkward and heavy, stomach shifting his weight. He was informed that he waddled now by a smiling guest. He just stared at her until she left.

They had cast spells to check on the baby’s development. He was having a boy. It was growing well, better and faster now that Harry was taking care of himself. He tried not to look at it. They’d shown him though. He felt a fragile warmth in the pit of his soul that he was trying to smother out. He wasn’t allowed to love the baby. He would never see it again after it was born, after all. It would just be something else to hurt.

He was quietly wandering and thinking. His therapist kept reassuring him that he had something called post-traumatic stress. He didn’t want to talk to her. He didn’t want to explore his feelings. The hated numbness was a balm now. It was better, he decided, not to feel anything at all than it was to feel pain.

After the baby was gone, he’d end it. He’d die. He’d join his family in death. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt anymore, after that. He stroked a palm over his stomach. It was an odd mixture of disgust and wonder. He hadn’t know it was possible. It was apparently very much so for a virile young wizard.

“Harry?” Luna called. He turned and gave her a small wave. “How are you?” she asked. He just stared at her before he went and sat on a nearby bench. She came and sat with him, taking his hand in hers. He was still pale but not as badly so now. She rubbed her thumb over his knuckles. “It’s ok to talk, you know.” She offered. He shook his head. Draco told him not to. He owed Draco whatever he wanted after what he did. He’d give him anything he asked for. “It’s ok if you don’t want to. We just had a litter of Kneazle kittens at work.” She continued telling him about the animals and about Draco.

His heart warmed as she told him about Draco swearing and spluttering as the Thestral foals kissed his face, about how he thought, no one noticed him doting on Missy the Kneazle and how he made sure the Crups always had extra toys. The image was a bit incongruous with the boy Harry’d known in school. Then again, he’d always looked after Crabbe and Goyle. He’d done what he did for Voldemort to try and save his parents. Harry thought he’d be a good parent. Much better than Harry would be, at any rate.

“I thought you might like to come see the kittens?” Luna offered. “The doctors think it would be good for you to get out of here for a while.” His palms started to sweat and he gulped. He’d get to see Draco again, if only from a distance. He nodded slowly and she burst into a brilliant smile. “Good! Hermione will come pick you up tomorrow.” She pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek and then rambled on about her theory for the newest Quibbler.

He was too excited to sleep the whole night and instead paced circles around his room with a hand on his too large stomach. He hesitated before he dug out the pictures the doctors had given him of the spell they’d cast to see the baby. He put them in an envelope for Draco the next day. He drank some tea in the morning as he ate his breakfast slowly. His stomach still rebelled against the food after so long. He felt a bit buoyant and the doctors all fussed over him, looking pleased.

“Good morning!” Hermione smiled at him as she came in. He’d brushed his hair and put on some real clothing. She reached out for a hug and he hesitated for only a moment before he gave her one. “Still not talking?” She asked, looking a little disappointed. He shook his head. He didn’t have permission to talk. “Ok then.” She sighed and took his hands. “Ready to go?” He nodded rapidly and gave her a small smile. She returned it and looked relieved.

“It’s nice having a break for me too. Work is some slow going. I’m looking at a promotion for Relations in the ministry though! We’ve gotten some of the centaurs to work on legislation with us.” She nodded as they went through the Floo. Harry’s stomach roiled in protest at the spinning. He slumped in Luna’s office with hands splayed over his bulk and took gasping breaths to settle it. “Sorry, Harry. We can’t Apparate with the baby though.” Hermione rubbed his back and murmured regretfully. He shook his head and stood when he no longer felt like his breakfast was going to make a reappearance.

Luna beamed and led him into the next room where there were several comfy armchairs and pillows littered about. Draco sat on one, weighing kittens with his wand. Harry’s heart stuttered in his chest and he moved over slowly.

“Potter.” Draco arched a brow at him. Harry offered a smile. “What brings you here?” Harry pointed at the kittens and then slowly lowered himself down, shifting to take the pressure off his lower back. Draco made a moue of consternation at him.

“He… doesn’t talk anymore.” Hermione’s tone was cold and clipped with Draco. Harry sent her an admonishing look.

“Well, that must make for some interesting conversations.” Draco snorts and settles the kitten he just finished weighing back in with its mother.

“He hasn’t said a word since you told him to shut up.” Luna murmured to him, scratching behind Missy the Kneazle’s ears. Draco looked at him with narrowed eyes and a pinch between his brows.

“Is that true, Potter?”

Harry felt a bit proud of himself so he smiled and nodded. He did just what he was asked!

“You really are a bloody moron, aren’t you?” He scoffed. Harry felt the small pride wither and die in his chest. But he had said… He felt his expression crumble on his face into confusion. “You can talk if you want to. Are you so pathetic you can’t even decide what you want anymore?”

“Malfoy!” Hermione yelled at him, hand clutching her wand.

“What? You want Boy Wonder to follow my orders for the rest of his life? It’s pathetic. It’s a giant bloody pity party because he can’t accept that life isn’t sunshine and roses all the time. It sucks and you have to fucking move on, not hole up in bed for six months feeling sorry for yourself!”

Hermione argued back with him, telling him about the PTSD and anxiety. Harry couldn’t hear much over the roaring in his ears. He pulled out the little envelope he brought for Draco and smoothed it before setting it near his hand. While they were both distracted yelling at each other, he stood and moved back to the Floo.

“Harry?” Luna asked, voice quavering.

“I want to go back to the hospital now.” He whispered, pressing hands to his aching ribs.

“Harry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Luna tried. He shook his head and took her hand.

“He’s right. I am pathetic. I know.” He nodded and bit his lip. “Please take me back to my room.”  
Luna’s large eyes watered, her face suffusing with a blush, but she nodded and tugged him back through the Floo to the hospital. The staff watched him with dismay clear on their faces as he went straight back to bed. He curled around his belly and hummed a soft song to it.

 

** * **

Draco was still fully embroiled in his argument with Hermione when Luna came in and slapped him full on across the face.

“What the bloody fuck?!” He snapped at her. “Both you women have some serious anger management issues!”

Luna’s face scrunched up in tears. She leveled a finger at him and struggled to talk for a minute. “How dare you. I trusted you!”

“First mistake there, really, darling.” He drawled at her with a sneer.

“He’s back in bed now. He came out for the first time today and you called him names. He’s fragile!”

“He did it to himself!”

“He did it for you!” She counters.

“Really? He made me fuck him for my freedom and then tormented himself for me? How kind of him.”

‘You could have said no. You know he still would have testified for you. He would have. He was grieving and sick and lonely. You had a choice! You could have bartered or bargained or something! You could have laughed at him and left!” Luna cried out at him.

“You have no idea what he’s been through.” Hermione shook her head. She moved and looped an arm around Luna’s shoulders.

‘Oh it must be so very hard having everyone love you” He rolled his eyes at them.

“Yes, they loved him so much they called him a murderer when he was twelve and made him a social outcast. Then they did it AGAIN when he was forced into the Triwizard tournament!”

“Try being a Slytherin. Everyone assumed we were going to murder a Hufflepuff for looking at us funny!’ he scoffed.

“His aunt and uncle locked him in a cupboard under the stairs until his Hogwarts letter came.” Luna informed him quietly.

“Ron and the twins rescued him one summer. They had him locked in a bedroom with bars on the door and pushed his food in through a cat flap.” Hermione’s face was pale and solemn. Draco stared at them agog.

“But he’s… did they know?”

“They hated magic and wanted to squash it out of him. They told his whole town he was in a school for the criminally insane.” Draco’s mind reeled as it clicked, facts rapidly falling into place. The rambling panic Potter had spilled out suddenly made more sense to Draco. He’d been told his whole life that he was a monster and he’d finally cracked.

“His godfather was Sirius Black. You knew that.” Luna added. “He watched him die in front of him. Professor Lupin took the place and then died at the battle of Hogwarts.”

“Ginny was beheaded in front of him. When we found him later, he was sitting covered in her blood and shaking too badly to move. He’s watched almost everyone he’s loved die.”

“Or get hurt. He’s terrified that it’s all his fault.” Luna pressed a hand over Hermione’s sleeve where Draco knew the scar from his aunt was.

“Why me, then? If he’s so afraid, why did he want to get close to me?”

“He saved you.” Luna shrugged helplessly. “He hurt you but you still lived. You survived.”

“He’s… There’s always been something with the two of you. He was always… fixated. Did you not notice him skulking around sixth year?”

“Crabbe and Goyle noticed him skulking around.” He scoffed. “A herd of elephants would have been less obvious. He was just trying to get me in trouble.”

“He seemed more… worried. He noticed when you looked tired or upset.” Luna mused. Draco frowned and stroked Missy’s back.

“So what? I should fall in love with him? I should take care of him for the rest of his life?”

“Of course not.” Hermione scolded. “Not calling him names and making him want to die would be sufficient. In fact, I’ll personally punch you in the face if you try to manipulate his feelings for you.”

He stared at her serious brown gaze. He didn’t doubt for a moment that she would indeed punch his lights out.

“Fine. I will visit and… apologize later.” He sneered a bit, leaning back on his hands. He jerked in surprise when his hand landed on an envelope. He frowned and opened it to find a little moving picture of a baby in utero sucking it’s thumb. It’s a boy, Harry’s scrawl informed him at the bottom. He gasped sharply and ran a fingertip over the curve of nose visible in the picture. “…Can I go now, actually?” he asked. His chest constricting with emotions too myriad to name. He was going to be a father. It was really happening.

“Go.” Luna told him and took up a cushion beside the Kneazle. He pressed the photo to his inner pocket for safekeeping as he went through the Floo. He trailed through St. Mungo’s until he came up to Potter’s room. He was laying facing Mrs. Weasley. She was industriously knitting baby socks, talking to him in soothing tones. Her gaze snapped up in vicious anger when Draco stepped into the room.

“May I speak to Potter privately please? I believe I owe him a few apologies.” He said before she could even open her mouth. There was a satisfied tilt to her jaw but she leveled a knitting needle at him.

“If you upset my boy again, we will have more than words, Malfoy.” She threatened. He held up placating palms. She bustled out of the room with her yarn floating obediently behind her.

“Hello, Potter.” Draco offered as he sat down. Potter looked up at him with a surprisingly vulnerable expression from behind his too long fringe. “I’ve had a bit of a row with Luna and Granger. It seems I was laboring under several misconceptions. I apologize for my untoward behavior.”

“I don’t understand.” Potter’s brows narrowed. Draco tried to strangle the part of his mind whispering that Potter just wanted him to grovel. He waited for him to continue. “You… You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. It’s my fault. I just… wanted to do right. You said to shut up, so I did. I’ve… I’ve been eating. I drink water. I even had some tea. The baby will be healthy for you, when you take it.”

“I called you hurtful things. That was untoward. It was uncalled for.” Draco tried again. “It’s good that you’re taking care of yourself.”

“No. Not me.” He shook his head. “I…You didn’t say anything wrong. I’m…wrong. There’s something wrong with me. My uncle always said so.” He nodded. Draco felt his stomach twist and shiver. “I’m pathetic. I am pitying myself. The baby is alive though. That’s… what you want? You’ll be a good dad. You take care of things.”

“I don’t want you to die, Potter.” He let the words escape before he could chicken out of it. “I do want to be a good father. I’m sure you will be too.”

“I won’t have any more children.” Potter replied. Draco tilted his head in confusion.

“What does that have to do with it?”

“The… the baby is yours.” He said again, brows low over his eyes. “You’ll be taking it when it’s born. It won’t be mine.” Draco felt dawning realization and horror creep up his throat. He swallowed hard to clear the solid lump of it.

“I want the baby to live with me, yes. I won’t keep you from our child though. The baby is yours too.”

“No. It’s not. It shouldn’t…” Potter fisted the blankets and his chin quivered alarmingly. “I’m not going to… After he’s born, I’m going to kill myself.” He whispered as if telling Draco a secret. Draco reached out and pressed a hand over Potter’s.

“Why would you do that?”

“I have to keep them safe.”

“You wouldn’t though. They won’t be safe if you’re gone. They’d be sad. They love you. How can you not see how lucky you are?” Draco is baffled, leaning forward and vehement. Potter worked it out slowly, clutching Draco’s hands in his. They were still too thin, long fingered and even paler than his own.

“What if—“

“Don’t. You don’t know. What if the sky falls? What if the oceans boil? You can’t control the what if. Control yourself. It’s what I learned. I tried to control the what if and my parents are worse than dead. You can only control yourself. You can’t save people from life, Potter.”

“But I’m the problem. What I did to you…”

“Let me stop you there. You offered. No, I wasn’t happy about it. However…I said yes. You don’t seriously think you could make me do a damn thing I didn’t decide for myself?” Draco tried for being pompous.

“It was horrible of me.”

“Yes. Yes it was. No arguments here. I went along with it, though. I could have told you to go fuck a Grindylow but I met you at the Leaky Cauldron instead.” He felt a bit relieved. He was so angry with Harry for making Draco feel trapped but he had had a choice. He regrets it, but it was still his choice.

“It wasn’t a choice. I held your freedom over your head.”

“It was still a choice. I could have gone to Azkaban.” He shrugged.

“I’m so sorry.” Potter offered, clutching tighter to Draco’s hand.

“I forgive you.” Draco replied. He immediately felt better, like the angry knot of hatred and frustration in his chest had finally untangled. Potter sobbed out in relief and tugged at Draco’s arm. He moved and pat his shoulder. “Stop that, don’t blubber. It’s alright, you daft thing. We do need to have a serious talk about the baby though. Can you sit up?” Potter took several shuddering breaths before levering himself to lean against the pillows. “Are you seeing someone for your mental health?”

“Yes…”

“Are you actively talking to them?”

“No…I haven’t talked to her.”

“In order for you to be around the baby, you need to take care of yourself. I don’t want to keep him from you, but I don’t want to endanger either of you. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” Potter nodded. He rubbed a long stroke over his stomach, looking quietly awed.

“Alright. I expect progress. If you’re not back to arguing with me about stupid shit and thinking you’re god’s gift to wizardry in the next year, I’ll be disappointed.” He teased.

Potter gave him a small smile but nodded.

** * **

Harry felt a good deal like a bloated whale. He was now in his last month of pregnancy. He was finally out of St. Mungo’s, though, and that felt really good. He still had problems dealing with guilt but for the first time in a long time, he could think about his life without a shock of pain.

Working on himself had been the hardest thing he’d ever done. Fighting a dark wizard paled in comparison.  
He’d had several screaming fits at his therapist, had cried until he puked, and fought to wire his brain back to its proper method of working. Some days were better than others. He was occasionally triggered by something and Hermione would come home and crawl next to him in bed to make him talk about it. He was on the few potions safe for the baby with a promise to get better, more suitable ones when he could. He finally, FINALLY, felt more like himself again. They’d scheduled the birth for two weeks away. Draco seemed pleased and they were happily arguing over names.

“I’m not naming our child after dead people.”

“Not even Severus?”

“Severus hated that name! Why would I give it to a baby?” Draco countered. “You should tell his portrait you want to name your child Snapey Potter. I bet that vein in his forehead would stand out just like it did when he found Pansy and Blaise having sex on his desk in 5th year…”

Ron poked his head in from the kitchen. “If you name your child Snapey Potter, I will give him a horrible nickname.”

“Says the man with a brother named Billious!” Harry countered. Ron flipped him a rude hand gesture before returning to cooking.

“My family typically does constellations. We could name him Scorpious.”

“What a mouthful!” Harry argued. “Poor thing, trying to spell that in kindergarten… Pious? Scor? No nicknames. He’d get teased for having Pee in his name too.”

“Not my child!”

“Yes, your child! What’s wrong with James?”

“He’d end up just like your father. I heard McGonagall rant about what your father got up to in school! No! It’s so plain. He needs something dignified!”

“Sure, Draconis.” Harry rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, Harry. Your name is also a descriptive term.” He sniffed. Harry laughed again, tossing his head back. It felt good. “

“This would have been much easier if we had a girl.” He lamented. “Both our mothers were named for flowers.”

“You should name him Dobby.” Luna smiled serenely.

“Dobby Potter has a nice ring to it.” Ron chorused from the kitchen with a grin. Luna preened, looking pleased. “He sounds like he’d have adventures. Dobby Potter and Aunt Hermione’s knitting.”

“That’s the name of my old house elf. The one that dropped the chandelier on my Aunt?” Draco frowned. “We are not naming my son after a house elf!!”

“Constellations that don’t have four syllables?” Harry sighed, rubbing his belly.

“Taurus?” Luna suggested.

“Well, he IS likely to be bullheaded with those two for parents.” Ron shook his head as he brought out the food. He’d made enough cheese toasties to feed an army and Harry planned on consuming at least half of them. He grabbed three on his plate to start and chomped happily, returning Ron’s rude gesture from earlier.

“Shut up, Weasley. You can name your child something boorish like Tom.”

“….You know that was Voldemort’s name? Tom Riddle.” Harry remarked. He watched Draco choke on his toasty.

“Don’t name him Tom!” He gasped after chugging some pumpkin juice. They all laughed and Harry watched Draco preen a little at the attention. “Hmm… Perseus?”

“My brother is named Percy. He’d forever think you used him for inspiration.”

“One Percy in my life is enough, thanks.” Harry shook his head.

“Dorado?” Luna offered.

“Too feminine. It’d be shortened into Dora.”

“Hercules!” Ron laughed.

“Stop that.” Harry admonished and flicked his crust at him.

“Caelum?” Draco suggested.

“That’s not too bad.” Harry mused. He looked down and addressed his belly. “Feel like a Caelum?” Typically, there was no response.

“Sounds like Caleb with an M so it’s not a mouthful either.” Ron remarked around a huge bite of his food. Draco wrinkled his nose at the display.

“We could continue my family tradition for his middle name.”

“No dead people Potter! I am serious.” Draco leveled a finger at him before crunching another bite of food.

“No, no dead people. Flower or plant names. My aunt was Petunia, My mother was Lily. My grandmother was Iris.” He elaborated.

“Sage?” Ron suggested.

“Yarrow!” Luna smiled.

“Hawthorne.” Harry decided and then looked to Draco. “Caelum Hawthorne Potter-Malfoy?”

“Malfoy-Potter.” He argued.

“Now you’re just bickering for the sake of it!” Harry laughed and stole another toasty from the table.

“Semantics.” Draco countered and stole half of the toasty from his plate. They scuffled over it until Hermione came home from work and stole it from them. She bit into it with a satisfied expression as she sat in Ron’s lap. They both quietly sulked in her direction. She was utterly unfazed by this.

Caelum kicked hard and Harry hissed out a breath. He grabbed Draco’s hand, pressing it to the right spot. Draco always stiffened when Harry touched him. He tried not to let it bother him as he felt Draco relax and watched him smile.

“He wants out.”

“Not quite yet. Speaking of, I need to go finish shopping. Ta.” Draco tossed a wave over his shoulder before he Apparated.

Harry stomped on the part of him saying it was his fault that he left.

“Did you finally decide on a name?” Hermione asked, distracting him.

 

** * **

Draco’s hands shook as he paced in the foyer of his house. Bantering with Potter seemed like an incredible feat. Potter’s mood wasn’t perfect but he was better than he’d been before, it seemed. He wasn’t as volatile. He didn’t hide behind anger or literally hiding when he was stressed as much anymore. Though, that may have been related to his inability to get up from the sofa unaided at the moment, but Draco wasn’t in the habit of looking a gift horse in the mouth.

He’d been present at a few of Potter’s breakdowns, propping him up as he raged against his inner demons. There were a lot of them to battle. Some days the only words Harry could say to him were sorry. He’d found himself slowly melting. Other days, Harry kept up a steady stream of humor and sarcasm.

They worked to prop each other up. He had weak days, days where he missed his parents like he missed a limb, days when he wished he had been taken in the final battle and missed all the pain. Harry seemed to understand more than anyone else Draco had ever confided in.

It was an easy comfort, which was difficult to handle. The animosity had burned into wit and dry humor, beneficial to them both as the mistrust and uncertainty melted away under a barrage of truthful communication. He finally had Potter as his friend and all he could think about was ruining it all.

He was in trouble.

He’d been present for a few of Potter’s more notable meltdowns, days where he’d screamed and pulled out his hair over the tangled mess his mind had become. He was slowly getting back to who he’d been in school but even then he was more grounded. He wasn’t a hormonal teenager anymore.

He distracted himself by folding clothing for Caelum and putting them away. The room was done in soft shades of blues and greens with dark hardwood accents. It was very tasteful, if he said so himself. He’d also started Tiggy on clearing out the guest rooms. Just in case, Potter wanted to stay.

It was almost a cosmic joke. He wanted exactly what he’d already fucked up.

Draco sighed as he fell back into bed, stroking his hand low on his belly. He wasn’t sure what to do now. It had been under a year but it felt like so much longer. He stood and paced again before he screwed up his courage and popped back over to Harry’s house.

“Potter?” he called.

“Draco? What’s the matter?” he was wearing a large sleep shirt over a pair of comfortable pants rubbing the sleep from one eye under his glasses. Draco stepped close. They were so close in height that he was staring right into Harry’s eyes, the dark lashes fanned out against his cheekbones as he blinked.

“I just…” Draco shook his head. He didn’t know what to say, so he just picked up one of Harry’s hands. He guided it through his own hair slowly and leaned against it. Harry’s eyes went wide and confused before Draco leaned in and pressed a soft, dry kiss to his mouth.

Potter’s hand tightened, pulling them as close as his belly would allow. He melted against Draco’s chest and made a soft noise. Draco deepened the kiss slowly, licking softly at Harry’s mouth. He slid his hands over his hips and up his back, holding him close.

“I’m sorry I left earlier.” Draco murmured against his lips.

“Why did you?”

“I…couldn’t figure out how to feel.”

“But you have now?”

“I have.” He smiled and cupped the side of Harry’s throat, resting his thumb against the crook of his jaw. Harry bit his lip on a smile and tilted his head to rest on Draco’s knuckles.

“Want to stay?” Harry murmured. Draco leaned in and kissed him gently again.

“Yes. I would like that, please.” He felt his face flush a bit. Harry took his hand and brought him to his bed. Draco toed off his shoes as Harry crawled in and got comfortable.

 

Draco scooted up beside him and curled against his back, resting one hand on the swell of his belly. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Harry echoed, tangling their fingers together.

 

** * **

Harry woke to Draco at his back and had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. It still felt surreal. He turned over with a bit of work and stroked through the soft strands of his hair. Draco blinked awake slowly and gave him a half smile. Harry couldn’t help leaning in to kiss it.  
Draco kissed him back and licked slowly into his mouth. Harry gasped and rocked his hips awkwardly. He pulled back as Draco slid a hand under his shirt.

“I’m not… I…”

“Harry. It’s ok.” Draco reassured him, stroking a thumb over one of Harry’s nipples. “Let me? Please? I want to.”

“Ok.” Harry whispered and quelled the embarrassed part of his mind. He felt odd with his cock tenting below the swell of his belly. Draco pressed hot kisses down his neck before giving soft, kittenish licks over the scar of his bite. Harry shuddered hard and slid hands up Draco’s back. Draco pulled back long enough to remove his shirt before he straddled Harry’s hips. They both moaned at the sudden friction.

Draco moved slowly, kissing the pads of Harry’s fingers and the tender flesh of his inner wrist before he took his shirt off. Harry felt like he should hide and cover himself but Draco pressed a kiss to his belly button before rubbing his palms over Harry’s nipples. He arched as much as he could and gasped raggedly.

“Good?” Draco asked, dragging his lips over the lobe of Harry’s ear.

“Yes. Yes, Draco.” He gripped hard at his hips and pressed up against him. Draco moaned softly before he sat back on his heels to tug their pants down and out of the way. He stroked over the head of Harry’s cock. It sent sparks up and down his spine. He tugged on the sheets and tossed his head as Draco teased the slit with his thumb and then pressed a kiss to it. His hips bucked up and he gasped raggedly. Draco reached for his wand and conjured something under his breath before breaching Harry with a slippery finger.

Harry went still, legs falling to the side. He kept his breathing slow and even. Surely, it wouldn’t hurt as much the second time?

Draco pressed a kiss to his thigh and worked his finger in and out slowly. It was still an odd sensation, a pressure and stretch that he hadn’t felt before. Draco carefully worked another finger into him and then pressed… something. Harry shouted and bucked his hips, which made Draco do it again, and again, until he was practically sobbing with pleasure. His cock leaked pre-come helplessly as Draco pushed in a third and rubbed his fingertips in a slow drag on that spot inside him. Harry’s legs quaked as he mewled pathetically.

“Feel good?” Draco murmured, flicking his tongue over Harry’s sac.

“Oh god, Draco! I can’t… it’s… I…” He stuttered. His legs bent and unbent without any conscious effort on Harry’s part and he thrashed as Draco steadily fucked him with his fingers. He spread them inside and stretched him until Harry thought he might shake apart. He felt right on the edge when Draco pulled back.

“I want to make it so good for you.” He said against his lips.

“Please. Please, I want it.” Harry begged. Draco slicked himself up and shifted Harry’s hips to nudge at his entrance with the blunt head of his cock. Harry gasped as he felt him nudge harder, pushing slowly in to him. He braced himself for pain that didn’t come, just a slight burn as he stretched. Draco’s eyes fluttered shut and he let out a soft groan that sparked straight to Harry’s cock. He started thrusting slowly, canting their hips until he found that spot again. Harry cried out and flailed his hands for something, anything to hold on to.

Draco grabbed them, lacing their fingers together as he moved over him. He fucked him so slowly, so long and deep, that Harry thought he could feel him in his soul.

“I can’t… I”m gonna…” Harry felt like he might actually explode, tension building hard in his hips.

“It’s ok. It’s ok. Come for me.” Draco encouraged, picking up speed just a little. Harry sobbed with pleasure and clenched hard around him as Draco let go of one of his hands to stroke his cock. He lasted barely two more strokes before coming hard as Draco cried out with him and fucked reflexively through it.

He felt boneless and blissed out. Draco trembled and looked wrecked as he slowly pulled out and slumped beside him.

“That… that was amazing.” Harry gasped, staring glassy eyed at the ceiling. Draco hummed in agreement and smirked. “Ow.” He winced as his stomach ached.

“Ow what?” Draco frowned sharply.

“Ow tummy. Ow fuck! Ah!” Harry’s face contorted in a grimace as he curled around his stomach. “Merlin’s pants, that hurts. Shit!” Draco was up in a panicked second, cleaning them both and tugging their clothing back on in a rush to get him through the Floo. “What are you doing?” Harry griped at him.

“Your belly hurts! We’re seeing a doctor.” He arched a brow as if Harry were too stupid to dignify with an answer. Harry just crushed his hand in retaliation, savoring Draco’s wince.

Harry’s doctor looked baffled to see them before Draco rambled out, explaining exactly what happened. His expression cleared and he rushed to get Harry into a bed.

“Sex can sometimes induce labor. Looks like your little one is ready to make his debut.”

“Well, I hope you enjoyed that, because it will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.” Harry yelled as another contraction hit. Draco winced as Harry squashed his hand. “Go call the Weasleys and Luna!” He gasped.

“You’ll need to leave the room for this anyway. We’ll need to put Harry under a sedation charm to remove the baby.”

Draco paled but leaned in and kissed Harry again.

“Remember our deal? You take care of yourself.”

“I will.” Harry promised. The last thing he saw as they put him under was Draco being ushered out.

** * **

Draco was, not to put too fine a point on it, a wreck. Mrs. Weasley watched him pace for a while before snagging him and trying to teach him to knit. His head would jerk up every time a doctor would come out and he felt like he might crawl out of his skin.

“Surely it shouldn’t take so bloody long!” He burst out finally, making frustrated noises.

“Babies take time, even with magic.” She tutted at him and knit in careful rows.

The wait seemed interminable. It always seemed like such a fast process before! He gasped and was up and across the room as soon as the doctor came out and gestured for him. The Weasley clan was close on his heels. Harry was still sleeping but a nurse handed him a small, blue wrapped bundle.

Draco’s legs went watery as he sat beside Harry’s bed and stared down at Caelum. He had Draco’s nose and a tuft of dark hair poking straight up from his head. Draco had always thought it was nonsense that people could pinpoint features in what looked like a naked, squalling monkey before. He stroked a fingertip down Caelum’s soft cheek and gasped when he turned his head to follow the movement. He huffed a silent laugh mixed with a bit of a sob.

“Hi.” He murmured down and then looked up to Mrs. Weasley as she came closer. “Your grandmother is here.” He informed Caelum. Mrs. Weasley’s eyes turned watery as she held one of Caelum’s feet.

“He’s lovely. Congratulations.” She smiled at him. Harry stirred a bit and Draco turned to him.

“Hey.” He smiled at him, leaning in to kiss his forehead. Harry blinked groggy eyes and then his gaze snapped to Caelum.

“Can I--?”

He hadn’t even finished the words when Draco shifted the baby to rest on Harry’s chest.

“He’s beautiful.” Harry sounded awed and pressed a fingertip that was quickly gripped into a tiny palm. Draco quietly agreed and stroked both their knuckles gently.

** * **

Epilogue:

Harry pressed a wailing Caelum to his shoulder, walking around and humming off key to him around the lawn at Malfoy Manor.

“Food is soon, baby.” He patted his back and smiled at Draco. He was helping Mrs. Weasley set up picnic tables. They were celebrating Ron and Hermione’s recent announcement that Caelum was going to have a cousin with a large picnic. Luna was lamenting to Neville that Harry and Draco hadn’t named their baby Dobby. Arthur was laying out food with

George and Percy, talking about the latest rash of exploding toilets in South London in an animated fashion. Andromeda had come out as well, with little Teddy toddling circles around Draco’s feet as he worked.

“Looks good. You missed a spot there.” He commented to Draco.

“Sod off, Potter. My work is impeccable.” He countered and spoiled the snark completely with a kiss and the bottle for Caelum. Harry settled below a sturdy tree and cradled Caelum close to feed him.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this; this was infinitely better than he’d imagined.


End file.
